Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date
Hello Lucia, I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and stand-offish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman's attention, especially in the beginning. Richard. Hi Richard, Yes, complimenting women (especially if they're attractive) when you first meet them is verboten. Attractive women are used to getting compliments ? in fact, they expect them. If you tell a woman you've just met that she's beautiful, the dialogue cloud above her head is thinking, "Tell me something I don't know." She already knows she's hot. How do you think she got that way? Do you think she just rolled out of bed like that? Since most guys behave that way, you'll fall into the category of average and won't stand out from everyone else. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you're about a 7 or less. Why do I think that? Because guys that rate an 8, 9 or 10 rarely compliment women. It's like meeting an equal. You both know you're hot, so it doesn't need to be said. It would be like two geniuses meeting. Do you really think one is going to say to the other: You're so smart! I don't think so. If you're in the same league, some things are understood. By referring to her beauty, you're sending an unconscious message that you've put her up on a pedestal, are intimidated by her and she would be doing you a favor by dating you. Well, why should she? She has enough guys in her league available to her. Why should she date YOU? The solution? Never comment on a woman's looks when you first meet her or on the first few dates. If you want to give a compliment, give it for something she doesn't normally get noticed for. This could be about how smart she is (this works especially well with attractive women since they rarely get compliments for their brains) or how good she is with _____________ (children, pets, salespeople). The only time I would suggest complimenting a woman you want to meet is if it's someone you see on a regular basis, such as at school or at the gym. In that case, very confidently go up to her and say something like: I just want to thank you for making the world a better place with your beauty. After she says thank you, immediately walk away. She'll be intrigued that you didn't try to start a conversation with her or get her number. Whenever you see her after that, just smile and say hello. If she doesn't eventually start a conversation with you, you can start a short one with her, but wait until you've been saying hello to each other for at least several weeks. Are compliments ever appropriate? Of course! After you've been dating for a while, it would be classless not to compliment her on her looks, especially if she's all dressed up. She probably spent a lot of time getting ready, and if you don't say anything, she'll notice and she won't be too happy about it! Say something like: You're amazingly beautiful. How did I get so lucky? Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia
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It's one of the supreme tragedies in life. When there's just one girl you want, it becomes much tougher to get her.
No matter how much of a player some guys are, we've all had that one girl we want. It could be that hot babe in your office who you've had a crush on. Or it could be that beautiful woman in your college class who you dream of having as the perfect girlfriend.
You see, a lot of times guys mess themselves up by focusing on just one girl. That's because having that narrow focus kills whatever attraction she might have for you. This attraction killer is... FEELING NEEDY AND DESPERATE.
When you're needy and desperate, and you start thinking that any girl is one of a kind, then you become like the cartoon lover skunk Pepe Le Pieux chasing the cat. And your odds of success are about the same as his.
So with that in mind, in this article you'll learn strategies for how exactly to stop killing the natural attraction that special girl has for you. Then you'll learn how to maximize your chances to get the girl you want.
Strategy #1: Realize That Other Girls Are Just As Special As She Is
Do not sweat it about that one girl. I promise you that although she may be awesome, there are tons of other girls out there who are just as great as she is.
No matter what good quality she has (silky hair? good in the kitchen? a sense of humor?), there are millions of other hot women with that exact same good quality.
This comes from massive experience... not only from my own two and a half decades dating hundreds and hundreds of women, but from comparing notes with other guys who are good with girls.
Believe me when I tell you, there is literally NOTHIN that any woman has that is unique ONLY to her.
So don't worry about how special she is. Of course she's special -- lots of girls are!
The last thing you ever want to have going through your mind when you're around a girl is, "God, I MUST have this girl! She's irreplaceable!"
So, you're free to think she's amazing. Just remember that lots of other girls are amazing too. That way you won't become too needy.
Strategy #2: Date Other Women to Get That One Girl
Now, I know it's tough to not worry about a woman if she's the only dating prospect in your life right now. So the solution is to make yourself hang out with other girls. This will also pay benefits to you in other ways, using a basic principal of psychology to increase your "value." I'll explain.
You see, whenever a woman sees that other chicks are attracted to a guy, she too feels attraction. Psychologically, this is known as the "social proof" phenomenon... and it's much more powerful in women than men.
To women, the most attractive guy is the one who's surrounded by other women. So, ironically, the best way to get this special girl attracted to you is for her to discover that she'd have to compete with other women.
That way you become a challenge. She's the one who has to win your affections, not the other way around.
Strategy #3: Change Your Mindset About Women to Get That Girl
A simple change in your attitude will cure your feelings of neediness and desperation for any particular woman. Warning: it's politically incorrect. However, it's effective and, ironically, will maximize your chances of getting her.
That change is this... start viewing chicks as "one woman with many faces." That way you won't get too wrapped in any ONE chick.
If you get to know players -- you know, those guys who've slept with dozens of women and can get any chick they want -- you'll find that's the exact attitude that every one of them has.
So forget coming from a frame of neediness. A better frame to come from is the mindset that you have high value, and any attention you give her has been EARNED by her. That way, even though she is the one girl you want, you'll avoid the attraction killer and have the best odds of success.
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