Mike?s Dating Story
(Black Couch Tales) Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed. "Coach," he said. "I need to get out of my relationship." Mike is 38 years old and a successful screenwriter. Mike was also perpetually single with a long history of failed relationships. His situation is typical: he wasn't necessary afraid of something long-term, he just could never find "the One". Mike could never stay in a romantic situation for long before moving to something new. Today's session was no different. Once again he found himself feeling stuck with someone he didn't want to be with. He told me his story. "I met Lexy about a year ago. I was at a bar and there she was. She looked awesome and had a great smile. I was attracted and I just had to get to know her." For Mike it always started with physical attraction. He continued, "We really hit it off. The next thing you know, we are heavily involved. Things were great at least?the first six months were a blast?really fun. I think I gained ten pounds though. My buddy calls it the Love Diet. You stop going to the gym, order in, and stay in bed day and night." Mike's enthusiasm began to fade as he said, "After the first six months things slowly started to change. We started to get to know each other outside of the bedroom. The more we talked, the more I realized that I had nothing in common with her. And to be honest?this is sort of rough to admit?I wasn't interested in a thing she had to say." "Our relationship became tense at worst and polite at best. Little things started to bug me. The way she chewed her food drove me insane. The way she laughed?it was this high-pitched squeal that I think only dogs could hear?it made me nuts." He sighed. "I'm getting on her nerves too. Last week Lexy nearly shoved me out of bed because she said I was snoring too loud." Mike straightened up and locked eyes with me. "We need to break up and it's been a long time coming anyhow. I'm okay with that. But what I really need to figure out is: what the heck is going on in my relationships? It's always the same. Is it me? Am I meeting the right women? I'm 38 and I still haven't figured it out." Dating often starts as a chance meeting where physical attraction leads us to relationships we "end up in" rather than a choice we stop and think about. We get caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new. We give in to the rush! But eventually the "chemical reaction" of attraction begins to sputter. The excitement fades and we often find ourselves with a person we don't know that well. In Mike's case, he realized he was with someone he couldn't stand to be around. This leads us to online dating. There are aspects of character and personality that will create a bond beyond the initial stage of attraction, and online dating allows us to go beyond the chance meeting, beyond the physical attraction. We can search out potential matches that we might never meet in our everyday lives. With the click of a mouse we have access to a wealth of information: interests, hobbies, passions, lifestyle, beliefs, and more. Online dating allows us to approach dating from an entirely different angle. Instead of getting to know someone from the outside-in, we can establish a relationship from the inside-out. Does this "more informed" method your romantic life lead to a more compatible and satisfying relationship? Unfortunately the answer is "No!" Just like physical attraction alone isn't enough to carry a long-term relationship, having things in common alone won't satisfy you. You still need physical attraction. You may find tons of people online who will seem perfect. Then you meet face-to-face and you know in a split-second that this person is not for you. You never really know what will happen until you meet. But imagine if you are attracted! The reason you decided to meet in the first place was because you have things in common and your personalities meshed. You've already laid the foundation to take your dating beyond the physical. What online dating really offers is opportunity to find and communicate with lots of people with whom we share common interests and qualities. It's not the holy grail of dating, but it's an excellent way to increase your chances of finding something long-term. You may still have to go on many dates to find your match, but that is why the Internet is so exciting! There are always new people to find, and always the opportunity for that next date. Mike is currently online dating and loving it! I encourage you to give it a try for yourself. About the Author Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life Coach. A Columnist as well as radio host. Devlyn has also developed ToolsToLife.com. As a Relationship-Coach Devlyn has created the http://www.OnlineDatingKit.com which teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own and offers a complementary e-book at no cost on "How To Choose The Right Dating Site For You."
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date
Hello Lucia,
Use The Fated Encounter For First Date Seduction Success
Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was a little girl, triggered by a constant diet of romance movies and novels, about fate bringing the man of her dreams to her.
How to Create A Romantic Dinner for Two on a Pontoon Boat
Before you pick up the phone to make reservations for that romantic dinner for two...STOP. Instead of battling traffic, waiting in line for your table and being at the mercy of the other diners sitting at your elbow, why not jump on the pontoon and head out to the water? With a little imagination, foresight, and moonlight, you can create a romantic dinner for two that your date will never forget. The most important part of creating this memorable evening is in the planning. You don't want to be in the middle of dinner and realize that you've forgotten something important like silverware or a corkscrew.
Why Date Online?
More and more people in the UK are turning to the internet to find a date. The advantages are perhaps obvious; it is easy, it widens your choice of partner and you can do it from the confort of you own living room.
10 Impressions on Online Dating
Are you a little uncomfortable with the idea of Internet dating? Have you thought about how great it is for busy people; how convenient? Don't ever be duped by an online dating suitor. There are tales of deceit and heartbreak, don't be one of them.
Breaking Up
The first thing you should do is talk about what happened, to your closest friend or family member. Just let it all out. The more you talk about what happened, the better you'll feel about it later on. You still have someone that cares about you, your friend or family member.
Dating On-line in Safety
Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So let's first get it into perspective. Some of us just like to have fun but are sick of the singles bars and other similar nite spots that are the last resort for finding a decent partner or lover. They often result in the wrong person even if you are lucky enough to meet someone. Or, you may have once upon a time met someone that 'fitted the bill' but over time this has proved not to be the case any longer, so.......long story short, you are now once again looking for a better fit. You might be just plain lonely or recently dumped by that someone who promised to be there forever. If you're senior in years, you may just be seeking a companion or someone who has similar interests. These days, it's quite likely that you are someone who's busy most of the time and don't have the time to go galavanting around the place looking for a date and attending dinner parties with the hope that your friends have selected a decent blind date on your behalf.
Use Dating To Your Benefit
The easy way to date is really by empowering yourself. This unconventional approach is based on the reality that when we grow and expand, our dating also grows and expands.
Dos and Donts for Men on Dating Sites
Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.
Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?
Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that you are a low-status, beta male.
How To Repel The Opposite Sex
There is a war between the sexes. This war is based on a misunderstanding. The misunderstanding is this:
Dating Advice: Should You Play With Madness?
I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren't merely dysfunctional, they're psychotic.
Table For Two Please!
I recently heard a woman say that she would not date a short man. She doesn't care about how nice he is, educated, godly or anything else ? he's short and that doesn't work for her. "I'm a tall woman ? I need a tall man." Then I heard another woman say that she would not date a guy who is uneducated. "A guy is not perfect for me if he doesn't have a college degree." Then, I read an article by a brother asking, "What's a brother to do?" He's tired of showing up at a restaurant requesting a table for one. "My goal this year is to hear Towns, party of two." According to Mr. Towns, he's tall ? 5'10", dark ? not like Wesley Snipes but close, he has big brown eyes ? one on each side of his face ? that's important, he's articulate, reasonably intelligent, in good health, practices good manners and doesn't burp, scratch or grab himself in public. I'm not mad at that!
Compliments - A Very Powerful Dating Tool!
Giving a compliment can be a very powerful tool when dating women. Of course, too many compliments can also make you look desperate and needy. There needs to be a happy medium. So, what is the key? As outlined in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" you need to give a compliment from a position of power. If you can master this one form of communication then she will see you as a powerful person and continue to crave your attention and approval.
How To Have Sex On A First Date
Guys have all different motives for trying to be successful with women. Personally, I love relationships, because why would I want to sleep with a chick just once?
Finding Your Dream Date Sometimes Takes Guts!
My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE would often take dog for a walk last night to get her and us exercise. If you've ever lived in NYC, you know there is never any way to know what excitement that you will wander upon. This particular night, we heard some deep gospel sounds coming from a park near Lincoln Center so we wandered over to check out the event.
True Love And Chemistry: Exploring Myth And Reality
When you think about the qualities found in a true "soul mate" relationship, what one word comes up most often on the top of your list?
First Date ? Tips for Women
You are on your way to your first date with him. Probably a blind date. Here are some basic things you need to know, in order to make it a successful one or what you should do if things go wrong. (This article has been made with the help of my wife, Mona)
Getting The Most From A Romantic Relationship
Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. Being concerned with
what is good about the relationship is what makes the relationship good.
Being too concerned with the problems that a relationship has will take away from the enjoyment that the relationship can provide.
Asian Dating - Respect and Honour
Honour and respect are two of the most important elements in Asian culture, and they shouldn't be overlooked when it comes to dating. For instance, traditionally, Asian women are taught at a young age to know their place around men, treat them with respect and accommodate them, while men are taught to protect and provide for the women. Although these traditions have become a faded practice in Western culture, respect still plays an important role in the Asian dating scene.
|
